Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Gym

How does one know if they're becoming a gym rat? I mean what's the criteria? I ask only because I'm so enamored with my new gym that I'm worried I may turn into one of those creepy gym dudes. I'm definitely not there yet. Sure, I've started to shave my whole body, and I'm drinking creatine shakes on a daily basis. Oh, and I have put on 15 lbs of lean muscle while lowering my body fat %, but I'm definitely not becoming a gym rat, right? If I start looking unnaturally tan, please feel free to let me know that I look like a douche-y gym dweller.



In all seriousness, it has been great to have a brand new gym much closer to home. However, I have a love-hate relationship with the gym environment. First off, the gym is ridiculously crowded nearly all the time. Maybe it's just because it's brand new. Hopefully the excitement will wane a bit as the newness wears off. And the worst aspect of all, in my opinion, is the posturing that goes on around there. When I go work out, I have a set amount of time and a plan. I put my headphones on and get in and out as quickly and efficiently as I possibly can. But there are those folks, and lots of them, that are clearly there just to strut around checking themselves out and displaying their unnaturally tan bods. Ah, I thought I was done with my rant, but I have one final complaint about the gym. I can only speak for men, but can't we have just a little bit of humility in the locker room? I get the fact that people are changing in there and nudity is inevitable. That's fine. What gets me are the tactless acts of the nude. Can't they PLEASE put a towel down on the wooden bench before dumping a couple of fat cheeks and a wrinkly bean bag over it? These are probably the same people that have no problem sitting bare bunned on a public toilet. It's just gross.

As much as I may complain about some aspects of it, I feel like the pros out measure the cons of having a gym membership. Some may argue that time spent in the gym could be better spent just running more. Personally I feel like I benefit from a couple days of strength training per week. I've been more or less injury free since I began running and I think that's in part due to the 2-3 days I cross train in the gym. The other benefit I've found from having a gym membership is the access to a sauna. Since I first ran States in 2006, I've spent time leading up to the race heat training in the sauna. So, as much as I make fun of the gym atmosphere, I really do love it. You just have to know how to tune out the obnoxious aspects that come with that culture.

11 comments:

Michael said...

Bravo Brian, this is one of the funnier things you've written! However, parts of it created disturbing mental images...now I'm going to shudder every time I hear the word "beanbag".

One question; have you started grunting really loud when lifting the weights, and then dropping them on the floor after you finish your set while letting out a primal yell? I think that is the final requirment for being a gym rat. Oh, and you need to wear compression shorts, a tank top, and a back brace.

white trash said...

I think by definition, "any tan" in Seattle is considered unnatural!

Bryon Powell said...

Brian,
I'd love to know what your sauna heat acclimation routine is for WS. I'm curious as I'm hitting the sauna big time in preparation for the Marathon des Sables in a few weeks.
-Bryon

Anonymous said...

Dude, you wrote, "These are probably the same people that have no problem sitting bare bunned on a public toilet. It's just gross." You are telling us you have never sat on a bare public toilet? What a yuppie metrosexual.

Aubrey said...

Nurse Grandma Phyllis taught us from the time we were potty trained on NEVER to sit on a public toilet. I would actually place money on the fact that Brian, like myself, wouldn't be caught dead sitting on a public toilet.

Brian, you might want to consider waxing rather than shaving. I really think it would accentuate your spray-on Mystic Tan.

Alison Hanks, LMP said...

I'd like to see a muscle shirt with the REALLY wide openings for your massive guns. Those are my favorite.

Brian Morrison said...

Aubs is right. Maybe it was our own screwy upbringing, but we were taught from a very young age to avoid sitting on public toilets. If that makes me a yuppie metrosexual, then I guess I'm guilty as charged. I'd still prefer to be that than to be one who will drape their privates over any public surface.
Alison, how could I have forgotten about the muscle shirts. Those are so ridiculous. It's like a huge gaping hole on either side from the shoulder to the hip.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I stand corrected, can't argue with Nurse Grandma. I wish I was endowed with the capacity to drape my private parts!

Sid said...

"Can't they PLEASE put a towel down on the wooden bench before dumping a couple of fat cheeks and a wrinkly bean bag over it? "

Hey buddy, you owe me a new keyboard due to the coffeeee I just spewed alll ovver tHiS 1

In all seriousness this was the funniest thing I've read since your evite reply last year. :)

Andrea said...

ah yes, sid, you bring back such fond memories with the evite

Shannon said...

As a chick who has been in women's locker room at the gym, I will tell you that there is a direct corelation between the nearness of your breasts to your belly button and your willingness to strut the locker room in all your nekkid glory.